Home › Sports › Columns & Blogs › 2008 Summer Olympics

July 18, 2008 7:34 AM

Seinfeld and Honest Abe

Every Friday night for the last few years, near the East gate at Renmin University, a group of Chinese students come together to do the strangest thing: speak English.  Mostly, it's just the Chinese practicing amongst themselves, but every so often, a native speaker happens upon the area they call The English Corner.

Tonight, that native speaker just happened to be me.

I found myself swamped with questions, like "Do American students carpool to class?" and "Do you think graduate school is important?" and "Is Yao your idol?"  I was somehow awarded a Chinese name: 大鞋 (pronounced dà xié), which means big shoes (in addition to wearing a size 13 shoe, I had my new Shaq-endorsed Li Ning sneakers on).  I was asked my opinion on movies ranging from "Fight Club" to "Legally Blonde."

But my two personal favorite moments from the evening involved Allen -- who explained that his name was "just like you say Allen Iverson," though he chose the name because it started with the first letter of the alphabet and not because of a previous experience as a Sixers/Nuggets fan -- and his crew of English-speaking students.

The two audio clips below are as follows:

Clip one is of Allen reciting George Costanza's famed closing speech from "The Marine Biologist" episode.  (The other two voices you here are me and University of Missouri journalism student Matt Lothrop, who's here in Beijing volunteering at the Games.  He's also the non-Asian in the photo above.  Allen is the guy standing up across from him)  The second is of a student named Lincoln who, apparently a fan of Honest Abe, recited the "Gettysburg Address."  (A quick Google search for "The English Corner" turns up that I'm not the first one to have heard this speech at Renmin.)

The full text of both is enclosed.  Follow along; their reenactments are incredibly impressive.

"The Marine Biologist"


"The Gettysburg Address"



"The Marine Biologist"

Elaine: George, I was just reading this thing in the papers, it's amazing!

George: I know. I was just telling them the story.

Kramer: Come on, George, finish the story.

George: The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli!

(Jerry gives Kramer a "what the h-" glance)

George: I got about fifty-feet out, and then suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya, he was ten stories high if he was afoot. As if sensing my presence, he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling, I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!

Jerry: Mammal.

George: Whatever.

Kramer: Well, what did you do next?

George: Then from out of nowhere, a huge title wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself on top of him, face to face with the blow hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me, but I knew something was there, so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!

(George pulls out of the inside pocket a golf ball)

(Jerry and George just stare at Kramer)

Kramer: What, is that a Titleist? A hole in one, eh.



"The Gettysburg Address"

Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Posted by Dan Oshinsky at 7:34 AM | Comments (8)

Scripps Interactive Newspapers Group
© 2011 The E.W. Scripps Co.

Archive | About Us | Contact Us | RSS Feeds | Subscribe | Site Map | Photo Reprints | Corrections
Questions? Comments? Talk to Us.