July 6, 2008 11:50 AM
So You Think You Can Speak English?
There's an old Steve Martin line I've always liked about traveling
overseas. "You never really appreciate your own language," he said,
"until you go to a country that doesn't have the courtesy to speak
English."Around Beijing, the language barrier is remarkable (I've already touched on this briefly), but I can't say they're not trying. The Olympic committee is making an especially strong effort to educate their Chinese volunteers in the quirks of English. So in tandem with a local newspaper, Beijing Today, they've been sending out monthly magazines to Olympic volunteers with a feature they're calling, "At The English Club." In our first edition of So You Think You Can Speak English?, I've gotten my hands on an except from one of the magazines. (The original text is available here.)
I'll preempt your questions with one thought: why the bias against Nebraska? Maybe it's because Chinese are subtly trying to rail against the impact of biofuels on the international food market; maybe they just really dislike Tom Osborne. It's tough to say.
Regardless, enjoy "Dialogue Script 2" from "At The English Club." What follows is entirely reprinted (the cartoon above is also directly taken from the magazine) and unedited. Hopefully, I won't have to say this as often as Dave Barry did, but: I swear I am not making this up.
Susan: Hi, I'm the club's treasurer, Susan.
Rob: Nice to meet you, Susan. Does the club have a lot of money to take care of?
Susan: Not too much, but it's a good job for a business student like me.
Rob: It seems like most English enthusiasts are into business.
Susan: Can I tell you something, Rob? You look just like my ex-boyfriend.
Rob: Uh, really? You don't say.
Susan: You're just like him. Are you from Nebraska, too?
Rob: No, California. How long were you together?
Susan: He want back after four months, and I was heartbroken.
Rob: Do you stay in touch with him?
Susan: Kind of. Oh, my God! You have the same blue eyes.
Rob (to himself): Maybe I should start wearing brown contacts. Sorry, I need to go to the bathroom now.
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