August 9, 2008 1:29 PM
Oh, no. God save me! Please!
I've gotten my hands on a copy of the "Beijing Olympic Games
Training Series: A Conversational English Reader." BOCOG -- the Beijing
Olympic governing body -- is using it as a manual to teach volunteers
how to react to any situation that may arise during the Games. Some of
those situations just happen to be a bit unusual.Today's text is reproduced in its entirety and is not edited. All non-sequiturs and grammatical errors are theirs. The text is titled "At the gate to the spectator stand" from the "At the National Stadium" section of the reader. Again: this really is a guide for how volunteers are supposed to deal with foreigners in this particular situation. It's a day late for this situation, but I do hope you enjoy it anyway:
Local volunteer: Madam, you have been wandering here for quite a while. Are you looking for the right entrance? I am a volunteer.
Foreign spectator: Oh, no. God save me! Please! I have an appointment with my friend and we are supposed to meet at the souvenir shop. But you see, this stadium is so huge that I cannot even find where I am.
Local volunteer: There are several souvenir shops here. Do you have any idea which one you are heading for?
Foreign spectator: My friend told me it is the one in which we can buy some chinaware.
Local volunteer: I see. Follow me, please. Actually we have a shopping area in this stadium, and the shop you mentioned lies in this direction.
Foreign spectator: You are so kind. A woman at my age is totally confused with directions. You know what I mean?
Local volunteer: I don't think it has to do with age. It takes time for any one to get familiar with a new place.
Foreign spectator: You are quite good at encouraging people. But telling directions has always been a difficult task for me.
Local volunteer: Maybe another important reason is that there are too many people here. I guess this must be your first time to watch an Olympic Games Opening Ceremony.
Foreign spectator: No, I was in Athens in 2004. That was a fabulous opening ceremony, by the way. The whole stadium turned into the Aegean Sea. And the whole ceremony was inspired by the gods, gilded with symbolism, and brought to life by fire and water. It really gave me a deep impression.
Local volunteer: Yeah, I watched the live broadcast at a sports bar. One of the most striking features of the ceremony proved to be the central arena which turned into the origin of the Greek civilization. Yes, that was the Aegean Sea.
Foreign spectator: It was really the epitome of Greek mythology, civilization and culture. So exciting. So here I come to your opening ceremony today. And I wish the Beijing Olympic Games Opening Ceremony a great success! Let me take a breath, please. Could you tell me anything about the ceremony?
Local volunteer: Sorry, I know little about what it will be like. The secrecy has been kept so well that we outsiders can hardly get any information. Therefore, I am also looking forward to watching it.
Foreign spectator: Oh, really? Hearing your words, I think my curiosity about the Opening Ceremony has been stimulated even more.
Local volunteer: Obviously, these people have made great efforts to present an outstanding ceremony to all the friends around the world. So are you going to watch it with your friend?
Foreign spectator: Right. We are to enter at Gate 8. About the place where I met you. Hi! Lucy! That's my friend over there!
Local volunteer: I see her. The lady in the pink dress. You two look just like twin sisters.
Foreign spectator: Yeah, you are not the first one who said so. Anyway, thank you very much for your help!
Local volunteer: My pleasure! Go out of the shopping area, turn to the left, and there you will find Gate 8. Enjoy the night!
Foreign spectator: Certainly, I will. And I am sure you will be very proud of your Opening Ceremony. Take care.
One note: when walking amongst foreigners, every Chinese person I've met has told me that I look exactly like the other Westerners with me. I am not sure if it is because the Chinese have been told to say this or because they really do think all white people look alike.
August 9, 2008
5:23 PM
champson writes:
It is really interesting! The tutorial is not so bad in authentic English, though.
August 10, 2008
2:55 AM
HairySwede writes:
I love it. For some reason it is is strangely fitting that the Chinese handbook is set up this way.
November 26, 2009
12:55 AM
age beauty writes:
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