August 12, 2008 3:06 PM
You cannot be just as attractive all the time.
I've gotten my hands on a copy of the "Beijing Olympic Games Training
Series: A Conversational English Reader." BOCOG -- the Beijing Olympic
governing body -- is using it as a manual to teach volunteers how to
react to any situation that may arise during the Games. Some of those
situations just happen to be a bit unusual.Today's text is reproduced in its entirety and is not edited. All non-sequiturs and grammatical errors are theirs. The text is titled "The referee gives the half-time whistle" from the "At the National Stadium" section of the reader. Today's text is apparently an example of how Olympic spectators talk to each other during games. It also explains just about everything you need to know about how the Chinese are planning on discouraging drinking, smoking and general fun during games. The text makes about as much sense as the script for "K-Pax." If you'd like to see part one of this primer, click here.
In this text, England appears to be leading 2-0 at the half over an unnamed team. (Also of note: England does not have a soccer team in either the men's or women's competitions during these Olympic Games.) Enjoy:
Foreign spectator #1: Excuse me, where can we grab a couple of beers? I am so happy! Our team is leading in the game! I can drink a full bucket of beer!
Local volunteer: Well, congratulations! I do understand how you feel now, but nobody is allowed to have alcoholic drinks inside this stadium!
Foreign spectator #2: Are you kidding? I saw a beverage shop when I got in, just outside the exit down there. Don't they serve beers? That's disappointing!
Local volunteer: I am pretty sure about that. Spectators are not supposed to drink even out there, I mean, alcohol. There are several Spectator Drinking Fountains at every exit, though. There is even a McDonald's near here. I know that's not what you want.
Foreign spectator #1: No. Okay, the rule is the rule and we need to obey it. Let's celebrate it after the game, then. By the way, you mentioned McDonald's just now, right? Is there anything else we can find if we want to grab a bite?
Local volunteer: Well, the stadium has several Snack Points. And if you bring snacks onto the stand, make sure everything is in the convenience bag and no garbage is left behind.
Foreign spectator #2: That's for sure. I am sorry to bother you, but I was wondering where we can smoke.
Local volunteer: The smoking area is just beside the Snack Point. But there may be many people there by this time. Hope you can find seats in there.
Foreign spectator #1: Forget it! If cigarette does not hurt you, you don't have to be afraid of anything under the sun. We've been shouting the whole night and both of us have sore throats now. A bottle of chilled beer would be of help it was available. Smoking will never do you any good. We have to live healthily for our celebration!
Local volunteer: You always make me laugh! But I suggest you not drink too much, either. Otherwise, you cannot be just as attractive all the time.
Foreign spectator #2: I know this guy. Alcohol cannot prevent him from screaming. What I can't assure you is that he would not overreact during the whole match and be a civilized fan if he got a chance to drink tonight before he gets out of here. Come on, man. Let's go and get a Coke.
Local volunteer: You must hurry up. There are no more than 10 minutes left before the second half starts. Enjoy yourselves! Good luck to your team and to both of you!
Honestly, the only thing that text leaves out is, "Our time is up; enjoy Ratt."
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