LATEST SUBMISSIONS

Choice of sexual orientation a day for celebrating

Saturday, September 22 at 12:00 AM

This Speakout has not been edited.

By Bert Singleton

One of the most important events in any parent’s life is the day we help our children chose their sexual orientation. Many families make a celebration out of it, inviting family and friends to hear the child’s choice. Some even make it an elaborate ceremony, complete with a band, catered food, and gifts to mark the occasion. Children will sometimes hide their choice until the last moment in order to fool everyone. This often leads to hilarious situations where someone has guessed wrong and given a gift for the wrong sexual orientation. Choosing day ranks right up there with graduation day, wedding day, and all the other major milestones in our journey through life.

Our family has always treated the day in a more intimate and personal manner. When our daughter’s reached puberty, my wife and I sat them down at the kitchen table and discussed the pros and cons concerning choosing to be heterosexual or homosexual. We start by telling stories of grandparents and great grandparents who made their choice and past the tradition down through the generations.

With our youngest daughter the decision was easy. Once she found out that she could wear frilly dresses and lots of make-up, she immediately chose to be heterosexual. The decision was so quick, it almost made me think there was some validity to the argument that sexual orientation isn’t a choice. But then I realized how silly that would be. Besides every adult I know remembers being attracted to both sexes but making a conscious decision on their sexual orientation when they became an adolescent.

For our other daughter, the choice was more difficult as she carefully weighed the advantages and disadvantages of each choice. Her first question was, “what if I change my mind later, can I switch?” We pointed out that of course you can switch and people do it all the time depending on who they are attracted to at the moment. That almost constant switching is proof that sexual orientation is based on choice. That’s why most adults keep two sets of clothes in their closet; just in case they see someone they are attracted to and want to change their sexual orientation.

She considered all the possible scenarios with each choice and finally made her decision to be homosexual, based on some pretty sound reasoning.

She felt that there were just so many advantages to being homosexual that she just didn’t want to miss out on any of them. As she put it, “ why you can get rejected by your friends, bullied and harassed at school, told you will burn in hell forever, face discrimination everywhere you go – and in some cases even have your own family reject you. With advantages like that it’s a wonder that everyone doesn’t choose to be homosexual.”

Over time we have watched both our daughters grow into beautiful, strong women, who enrich the lives of everyone they meet. Even though they chose their sexual orientation many years ago, neither has regretted her choice nor changed her sexual orientation. I’m beginning to think maybe there is something to that crazy idea that we don’t choose who we are attracted to or desire.

Bert Singleton is a resident of Arvada.

READER COMMENTS

I thought the Left told us that "homosexuality" is inborn--now we find out that everyone should get to vote on their orientation once they reach puberty! Is this a plot for a bad movie or what?! Hormones wrack kids who have no real idea what is happening, and, instead of explaining it, parents ask the kids if they are feeling homosexual! The insane asylum must now be empty.

Posted by Richard J Sides on October 5, 2007 02:14 PM

One just has to love it when people get on these boards claiming that sexual orientation is a choice. If they truly believe it, they must then be bi-sexual. The question they will never answer is a very simple one: When did THEY make that choice for themselves, and what were the logical and rational reasons for their choice? They don't answer it because they really can't.
At the same level are those who would use their "religious" beliefs to condemn others with such terms as "good" and "evil". I wonder if such people realize, or are even capable of recognizing, that when doing so they have set themselves above others, and are merely using their "religion" as a tool for domination. For those who want to see a real and true example of one who is guilty of such pride, read the letter which the Colorado Catholic Conference sent out to parishes in this state about the so-called "Protection of Marriage" Amendment and Referendum I, during the last election cycle. Due to the ignorance of the prelates who signed it, that document can be considered a true abomination, both in civil and religious terms. Of course, it will be necessary to understand what they actually said, and not the mere words on a page. I doubt that many will really understand it.

Posted by Robert I. Laitres on October 4, 2007 07:33 AM

Well written letter Bert, however, I'm not sure the sarcastic approach is best when dealing with the masses.

Anyhow, who cares whether or not one chooses to be gay or straight or bisexual or whatever... or if it's biological (I personally think the latter by the way)... people are different. Why is one any better than another? Because it's "different" or "not-the-norm?" Well, once upon a time, both slavery and infantacide were the norm, as was the beliefe that women were not equal to men... as a general rule, we look back on these things as mortifying... so why should sexuality be any different? Who knows, maybe it's God's way of fixing the over-population problem????

Get a grip folks, Gay people aren't doing you any harm.

Posted by JB on September 27, 2007 07:17 PM

I keep hearing that homosexuality is inborn. That homosexuals are the way they are due to the fact they are the way they are.

So now, this wierd person, tells me it's a choice. Well if its a choice, the Bible says its a sin.

You cannot have it both ways folks

Posted by Joe on September 27, 2007 12:23 PM

I keep hearing that homosexuality is inborn. That homosexuals are the way they are due to the fact they are the way they are.

So now, this wierd person, tells me it's a choice. Well if its a choice, the Bible says its a sin.

You cannot have it both ways folks

Posted by Joe on September 27, 2007 12:23 PM

I keep hearing that homosexuality is inborn. That homosexuals are the way they are due to the fact they are the way they are.

So now, this wierd person, tells me it's a choice. Well if its a choice, the Bible says its a sin.

You cannot have it both ways folks

Posted by Joe on September 27, 2007 12:23 PM

I didn't choose my childrens sexual orientation.
neither did I choose their choice of drugs .I did attempt to teach my children the Christian moral ethic--and what the Bible says about wickedness ,and abomination.
Those who believe are not condemnded -those who do not believe are condemnded already.

Posted by Robert Burkholder on September 27, 2007 06:17 AM

I didn't chose my childrens sexual orientation.
neithe rdi dI choose their choice of drugs .I did attempt to teach my children the Christian moral ethic--and what the Bible says about wickedness ,and abomination.
Those who believe are not condemnded -those who do not believe are condemnded already.

Posted by Robert Burkholder on September 27, 2007 06:16 AM

When I was four years old walking down the street toward school, a little boy who was a classmate tried to kiss me. Ugh! I clearly didn't want to participate. Even at that age, I knew it was wrong for me. I did however have a very big crush on the young lady who watched my class during recess
At twenty, when I told my mother who I was she passed it off as just a "phase" I was going through and I would soon snap out of it.
Next week my partner of 22 years and I will be celebrating my 58th birthday. I expect snapping out of it will not occur.

Posted by BJG on September 26, 2007 03:01 PM

Weirdest thing I've ever heard. Puberty..still a child to make adult decisions.

Posted by jl on September 25, 2007 12:28 PM

This piece is a classic example of the demolition of a straw man. The whole debate about "choice, not a choice" poses a false dilemma. In one sense, it is clearly a choice: no one, to my knowledge, has a gun put to their head and told that they will be gay or they will be straight. On the other hand, there are certainly powerful forces pushing for a choice one way or another. The author of the letter wants to pretend that the pressures are all on the side of heterosexuality, and therefore homosexuality must be the result of an undeniable innate "orientation". This conveniently ignores some of the forces pushing for a choice for homosexuality: mainly negative experiences with and impressions of the opposite sex and avoidance of the necessarily greater emotional effort necessary for a relationship with the opposite sex. That is just reality.

Posted by joe on September 25, 2007 10:50 AM

Oh believe me, I would much prefer to be able to real world ignore those who don't fit the "digital precision model". (Not that I accept such a technological description as accurate.)
But the country seems doomed to being forced to deal with every minority that can define themselves by some label or other, all the while demanding "equality" from the majority that has clearly said otherwise.
The flea on the tail wagging the dog is a lonely thing, but other then being a flea, it chooses to believe it should direct the actions of the dog, which is it's own kind of tyranny, no?

Posted by Jim in Erie on September 22, 2007 12:49 PM

My daughter wants to be a CU footbal recruit entertainer and hostess. She really enjoys parties. But I don't know about that. Do you think that she migt be better-off as a lesbian? She's already has a few tatoos, is into leather and rides a Harley. We social progressives have soooo many choices and soooo little time.

See you all at the all-natural, organic, no MSG, no preservative , no artificial coloring, range -fed section of the Boulder Wild Oats. I'm the progressive wearing the Birkenstocks carrying a back-pack and munching a granola bar. Peace!

Taser that, Bush.

Posted by Hank on September 22, 2007 12:28 PM

While this "tongue in cheek" approach might be interesting, it exposes a significant bias in the thinking of the people it was designed to help. The assumption is there is a "digital precision" choice between one option or the other - and people who don't fit the digital precision model tend to get ignored. Not that anyone's sexuality is anyone else's business. The fact is that each person is unique and their sexuality may occur along an analog continuim between pure heterosexual and pure homosexual. This fact makes it impossible to apply the same legal protection concepts we apply to racial minorities, even as a person's racial makeup also follows a unique analog continuim.

Posted by RS on September 22, 2007 09:37 AM

One of the better tongue in cheek approaches to this issue.
Congratulations on the effort.
I will say this though. I'm always amazed at the number of parents who make the claim that their child is a "beautiful, strong women, who enrich the lives of everyone they meet". If that's the case, how come there are ANY problems in the country?
And that word "beautiful", from a parent.......well, consider the source.
Also, should the chance to "meet" either of your daughters come along, that alone would 'enrich' my life? Wow! Amazing, no?
Being proud of your children is a great thing. But acting as if they are perfect and without fault is clearly a parent being a 'parent'.
We've all seen and dealt with parents who can't, or won't, accept that their child is just like most everyone else's child. Good and bad in mixed measure. But ignoring that fact is maddening to those of us who realize people are rarely, if ever, just good or bad.

Posted by Jim in Erie on September 22, 2007 08:04 AM