January 15, 2009 5:32 PM

Armed for Cowboys chat

Herm Edwards could return as head coach of the Chiefs. In a related story, Herm Edwards might be clinically insane.

The Detroit Tigers have signed Taiwanese pitcher Fu-Te Ni to a multimillion-dollar contract. The Tigers were livid to discover that Ni was just a cheap knockoff, made in Taiwan.

The Detroit Lions have reached out to Dolphins assistant coach Todd Bowles regarding their coaching vacancy. The news comes as a surprise to many insiders who thought the team would already be onto the "C" section of the phonebook.

Rickey Henderson has been elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame. That's a direct quote from Rickey Henderson. Henderson's induction will mean a great thing for baseball -- namely that he'll stop talking about a comeback.

The Lions have interviewed Titans defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz for their coaching vacancy. Interview is a polite way of saying, "begged."

Coach Tony Dungy retired from the Colts. Just a few weeks after the rest of his team.

The Titans are upset that a delay-of-game penalty was not called during the Ravens' winning drive Sunday. So much time had elapsed on that play, Jeff Fisher actually grew back his mullet.

Quarterback Tim Tebow is returning to the University of Florida, turning down a great opportunity to become Ryan Leaf.

A 72-year-old woman recently discovered a rare baseball card from 1869. It has been authenticated as an official Jamie Moyer rookie card.

The Kansas City Royals have announced plans to make major renovations to Kauffman Stadium. They'll be able to afford a lot, what with all the money they save by not fielding a baseball team.

TNT analyst Charles Barkley is taking a leave of absence from the broadcast chair. The chair is thrilled.

The Cowboys have released troubled cornerback Pacman Jones. Who, oddly enough, was the least of their problems.

Jones plans to sue ESPN over allegations he arranged to have three men shot at an Atlanta nightclub. It should be interesting for him to finally be on the other side of a lawsuit.

David Beckham is currently charging $700,000 per interview. Which is $350,000 for every interesting thing he has to say.

WNBA star Candace Parker is expecting her first child this spring, making her the first professional basketball player in history to take part in a planned pregnancy.

Jason Giambi said that being back in Oakland brings back a lot of memories. Mainly because BALCO is nearby.

Giambi has promised to bring his infamous gold thong back to Oakland. It will be the second-most pointless thing in his locker, just behind his glove.

And Warren Sapp recently challenged Michael Phelps to a televised swimming duel. Sapp was doing surprisingly well until the harpoon got him.

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) is written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith
Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy and Chris Strait.

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