January 29, 2009 3:17 PM
Not a winner in sight
Jose Canseco and Danny Bonaduce fought to a draw in their highly hyped three-round boxing match. The fight had no winner but still managed to have two losers.A recent poll encourages Shane Mosley to retire on top, after his destructive victory over Antonio Margarito. For non-boxing fans, "retire" is an industry term for "wait until I'm bored, and demand more money."
The Celtics will be without Brian Scalabrine indefinitely after he sustained his second concussion in three days. When reached for comment, Scalabrine said, "Fire bad!"
Manny Ramirez remains unsigned. And ungroomed.
The Lingerie Bowl has been canceled because of a conflict over the amount of nudity allowed in the event. On the positive side, football fans can still look forward to seeing the Arizona Cardinals thoroughly undressed in Super Bowl XLIII.
The New York Yankees have received an additional $259 million in public funding. The team is expected to use the money on half an outfielder.
Atlanta Hawks guard Acie Law has bet a friend $10,000 that the Dallas Cowboys will win next year's Super Bowl. Law will probably lose, but that's just because he's on the Hawks.
Bucks guard Michael Redd will miss the rest of the season with a torn ACL and MCL. In other words, Milwaukee is now SOL.
Veteran pitcher Brandon Lyon has agreed to a $4.25 million, one-year contract with the Detroit Tigers. Maybe a Detroit Lyon will finally win a game.
The NBA could be headed toward a lockout in 2011. Luckily, many of the players have a history of breaking and entering.
A Greek basketball team is looking to take on one of several NBA players, including Stephon Marbury, Jamaal Tinsley, Jason Williams or Steve Francis. I'm sorry, did I say Greek basketball team? I meant Greek charity.
Sugar Shane Mosley regained the welterweight title over the weekend. He might be close to retiring, however, because after the fight, he called himself "Splenda" Shane Mosley.
Rumors say the 49ers are angling to get quarterback Michael Vick once he comes out of prison. San Francisco . . . definitely a town where Vick won't have trouble finding a studded collar.>
Longtime Utah Jazz owner Larry H. Miller has had his legs amputated 6 inches below the knee. And we thought the Jazz were looking shaky.
The soon-to-open NASCAR Hall of Fame will honor five inductees a year. Fans are thrilled. That's a new inductee every six months!
Figure skater Ekaterina Rubleva accidentally exposed her nipple in front of thousands of fans during the European Figure Skating Championships in Helsinki. The mishap would have been even more embarrassing if any of the guys watching were straight.
Washington Wizards coach Ed Tapscott said Barack Obama has a standing invitation to stop by practice any time he wants. And to play guard.
The Pittsburgh Steelers said they'll wear their white pants for the Super Bowl. And because they're in Florida, they also plan on hiking them up to their chests.
The Cleveland Browns laid off 15 people in two days. Luckily, they were all defensive players, so no one should even notice.
The Brewers were working last week on a deal with Prince Fielder. Fielder was unavailable for comment, because there was still a buffet open somewhere.
The city of Detroit has approved a $27 million plan to preserve Tiger Stadium. It's nice to hear that the Detroit Lions aren't the only useless relics the city is willing to support.
And Ken Griffey Jr. could return to play for the Mariners because he'd like to be in familiar territory. Which we can only assume means last place, in an empty stadium.
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) is written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy and Chris Strait.
February 25, 2010
10:15 PM
Nikki Criscione writes:
Thanks for the info, your blog looks lovely! I have been having trouble catching up with the Winter Games this year but this totally helped me!
May 1, 2011
4:03 PM
Luxury villas writes:
Henry Cooper passed today, he was a model for any generation, courteous and a true gentleman. There were those said he should have been world champ but you didn't hear that from Henry. If there's a place for the true greats out there somewhere, that's where he'll be now. Farewell Henry.
May 5, 2011
4:56 AM
Bersh Jones writes:
War is an instrument entirely inefficient toward redressing wrong; and multiplies, instead of indemnifying losses. -Thomas Jefferson