February 5, 2009 2:24 PM
Paris, from A to ZitoParis Hilton was recently spotted making out with Barry Zito at a Hollywood hot spot. For those of you keeping score at home, Hilton has now worked her way through the entire alphabet.
The Arizona Cardinals plan to donate thousands of Super Bowl "championship" T-shirts to poor families in El Salvador. Which will be ironic, since that's where the shirts are made.
Comcast accidentally aired a 30-second porn clip during its Super Bowl broadcast in Tucson, Ariz., and has offered customers who saw it $10 as an apology. Because if there's one thing that can make it OK that your 7-year-old just saw pornography, it's 10 bucks.
The Cleveland Cavaliers are a perfect 23-0 at home. It's believed to be the first time the words "Cleveland" and "perfect" have ever been uttered in the same sentence.
Officials for AC Milan said lawyers for David Beckham are negotiating with the L.A. Galaxy. They set up a meeting of lawyers when someone challenged them to schedule something more boring than American soccer.
Suns managing partner Robert Sarver has said he still believes his team can win the NBA championship. He also believes the Cardinals can still win the Super Bowl.
Lakers center Andrew Bynum will be out 8-12 weeks with a knee injury. Kobe Bryant is upset, as he was really enjoying not passing to him.
A new report shows that baseball commissioner Bud Selig made more money than all but three baseball players in 2007. Wow, that's half a million dollars for every bad decision.
President Obama is sending a women's badminton team to Iran this week. It's less expensive than soldiers and more offensive to the Iranian government.
Former welterweight champion Antonio Margarito faces possible suspension after plaster was allegedly found in his gloves. John Daly will testify in Margarito's defense, since he's also been competing plastered.
The Cardinals are feeling plenty of heat after coughing up a lead with 35 seconds to go in Super Bowl XLIII. Thankfully in Arizona, it's a dry heat.
A Japanese sumo wrestler has been arrested for marijuana possession. Which, in sumo, is a performance enhancer.
Former heavyweight champion Ingemar Johansson has died at age 76. His death is particularly saddening for Evander Holyfield, who was hoping to fight Johansson sometime next month.
Michael Irvin is producing a new reality TV show in which he'll give one guy off the street a spot on the Dallas Cowboys. The show is tentatively titled Pacman Jones.
Terrell Owens has agreed to star in a VH-1 reality show loosely based on the network's previous hit, Scott Baio Is 45 & Single. Owens' show will be titled, Terrell Owens is 35 and Unbearable.
Pittsburgh is now on top of the sports world. And to remain there, they're selling the Pirates.
David Wells has fired back at Joe Torre, claiming the manager unfairly criticized his ex-players in his new book. Wells was livid after the book was read to him.
The Worcester Tornadoes have offered Manny Ramirez a two-year contract worth $24,000. Agent Scott Boras has advised him to hold out for $26,000.
Michael Phelps acknowledged that a photo of him smoking pot is authentic. The good news is that he smoked it a half second faster than the French.
New York Mets officials said season-ticket sales are doing well for the new ballpark. Especially popular are the new "first six innings" and "April through August" plans.
Aptly named former NBA player Corie Blount was recently busted with 11 pounds of marijuana. Or, as Ricky Williams calls it, a single serving.
Bobby Bowden has signed a one-year contract to coach a 34th season at Florida State. Bowden has been at the school so long he remembers when football players actually had to take their own exams.
And former NFL star Michael Strahan has been chosen to host the fourth season of Spike TV's Pros vs. Joes. The show is not to be confused with Pros vs. Hoes, which is a documentary about a Minnesota Vikings boat cruise.
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) is written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy and Chris Strait.