February 26, 2009 5:07 PM
Trying the angles on A-RodYankees manager Joe Girardi took his team to a pool hall, in an effort to create stronger bonds. Alex Rodriguez was especially comfortable there, since he will spend most of 2009 behind the 8-ball.
The San Antonio Spurs beat the Washington Wizards to wrap up a 19-day road trip. The players have been away from home for so long they can't even remember what their illegitimate children look like. That's just a joke. They never remember what their illegitimate
children look like.
California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger recently told reporters that drugs have no place in sports. Luckily for him, they still have a prominent place in politics.
Doctors have advised Northeastern tight end Brian Mandeville to retire. His heart ailment could result in instantaneous death, or even worse, he could get drafted by the Lions.
ESPN plans to use 26 cameras for its broadcast of the Bassmaster Classic. Wow! That's one camera for every viewer.
Amare Stoudemire will miss the rest of the season after having surgery to repair a partially detached retina. It must be really damaging to watch opposing players run right past you.
Charlie Weis has announced he will once again be responsible for Notre Dame's offensive coordinator duties. Perfect -- Notre Dame fans have found his last three years of play-calling extremely offensive.
Ashton Kutcher has signed on to star in a movie about an NFL quarterback who trades bodies with a 12-year-old. The movie is tentatively titled, Recycled Premise.
Security for the 2010 Winter Olympics in British Columbia is expected to cost $715 million. And $15 million of it is just Tonya Harding's consulting fee.
Ken Griffey Jr. is returning to the Mariners after a nine-year absence. Fortunately, he didn't miss much.
Cavaliers center Ben Wallace needed 14 stitches after crashing into a window while playing touch football. Fans are not concerned, however, since it's not like he's going to get any uglier.
Charles Barkley has apologized for his DUI a day before returning to TNT. Man, that guy will say anything when he's drunk.
Major League Baseball reportedly wants more from A-Rod. Now they know how Yankee fans feel every October.
And the last part of Shea Stadium has finally been destroyed 44 years after it was built. They didn't mean to wreck everything quite yet, but demolition crews accidentally gave a seventh-inning lead to the bullpen.
The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) is written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy and Chris Strait.