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Lucille Zimmerman, M. A. of Littleton writes:

I feel a strange mix of fury and elation as I watch Oprah speak about the sexual abuse incidents at her school in Africa. My heart aches for the victims because I understand the devastation of Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA). As a psychotherapist who has a passion to work with survivors, I know the road for healing is long and arduous. I am grateful however that the spotlight is shining on this all too common crime. At least one in four females (and one in six males) are victimized sexually before the age of eighteen. Experts think the statistics are actually higher.
The one thing I wish people understood is that CSA is typically not rape (or full intercourse). Instead it is inappropriate leering, touching, voyeurism, etc. The damage comes when the child learns she has no boundaries and she has no voice. Often she is haunted with shame that comes from aspects of the abuse she may have enjoyed (i.e. feelings of specialness and gifts) given to her from a person whom she typically cares for.
It is common for me to see a cluster of symptoms in an adult and question her about CSA. Her answers are almost always “no, except when......” and she goes on to tell me about an uncle, or cousin, or stepfather who did such and such. A big part of healing is coming to understand that what happened to her was sexual abuse and she is not the cause of it. I want people to understand that adult symptoms such a depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, are often connected to something that may have happened to them in childhood.
“There are places in the heart which do not exist yet; and into them, suffering enters, that they may have existence.” -Leon Bloy

This letter has not been edited.

READER COMMENTS

Whats an Oprah?

It's called an Oprah "Windbag" to be precise.
You bet Doc. Anything tou say. Oprah was sexually abused and now is a closet lesbian. How long has she and her so-called boyfriend been engaged? 20 years or so. Oprah probably hand picked that other pervert to work in her school. Oprah is a not the benevolent person she and the media want us to perceive her to be. she's a self serving paranoid phony. Just ask the people who work for her. She has cameras and listening devices all over her Harpo studio.
For the record we all should make sure child molesters are punished severely.

Thanks, Lucille, for the excellent letter. You can tell from the replies that there are a number of untreated people out there.

Truth,

For once I agree. Any famous person can be attacked because something they know about or participate in is involved in something illegal or just wrong.

Oprah, to me at least, is a wealthy woman who gained fame by working for it. I totally disagree with her ignorant rants on meat, but know that meat processors need to clean it up, government and half a million other things. On this the only thing she did was to decide to open a school in an area where the students would appreciate the opportunity to learn. Now the ones who cried and moaned because she didn't open one in an American inner city, are circling for the kill. Good thing is that she won't fold. I remember that the reason she gave for location was that the kids in Africa wanted books, the ones in America wanted IPODS.

May she get the mess cleaned up and move on. Her only failing, that I can see is that she hired the wrong people. That happens in a lot of places.

Be well Truth. I'm out of the hospital and got a full speed computer now. If I could invite you over for Thanksgiving I would. Gonna have 5 turkeys this year. Three smoked, one roasted and Bill wants to try frying one. (Already brought out and checked the fire extinguisher.) My sister bought over a case of cranberries and four bottles of brandy. They are already soaking. Other two bottles are for the mincemeat. It uses two bottles each of brandy, sherry and one batch also uses a large bottle of Jack Daniels. Probably have some roasted corn too but too early to tell. Going to have to get busy with the bread machine. Use homemade bread for the stuffing. Thanksgiving day we will have all three running all day. Family will be here at 9 in the morning as I have to direct the cooking instead of doing it. Gonna pick up 25 lbs of chicken backs (dime a pound at the butcher shop) and make it into the stock because all the turkeys will be brined. (Food Network's Alton Brown has a honey brined smoked turkey recipe that rocks.) Glad to be on the same side with you for once.

Lucille,
Thank you for the frank letter. I believe the negative responses are directly commensurate with the statistics you state. One in four is appalling but not surprising considering the number of the people who are uncomfortable talking about this subject. I’m not a therapist but I admire anyone who spends considerable amounts of time listening to others’ problems and trying to bring these troubles to light. I believe that the ones who belittle a subject and belittle those trying to shed light on it are not dealing with some damage inside themselves. In the short term it’s much easier to shoot the one trying to help than to acknowledge the value and truth in what that person is saying. It is our nature as humans to want to stay with the familiar no matter how inappropriate or emotionally draining because it’s just that: familiar. We know all the turns and contours. We don’t have to exercise our mental or emotional muscles and navigate new terrain. I find it curious when people belittle Oprah’s efforts to make the world a better place. And I say to those who make negative remarks about her: What are you doing to make the world better? We can all do something. Sitting behind the anonymity of your computer slamming others’ efforts reveals much about your mental and emotional state.

There are those, especially from the older generation (I’m 43) who don’t believe it’s proper to air your family’s dirty laundry. They believe it should be kept inside the family. It’s been my experience that those vehemently against airing dirty laundry are the ones who have the most to hide. Airing dirty laundry helps victims of abuse know that they’re not alone and they’re not wrong to feel the way they do. Kudos to people like Oprah and Lucille for telling it like it is. Yes, those stats Lucille stated are disturbing. And it’s obvious that many stay stuck in the same place trying to jam a lid back on a box that is disintegrating because the truth is busting out. But the solution surely lies on the path of open honest communication about it not denial of it

anonymous at 3:41 sure has some issues

I watched her show for a month or two and that was enough for me! She is definately an ego-maniac. Look at me, look at me I'm only into me-me-me!!! Benevolent? No! Self serving? YES!

Momma Y thats a waste of good booze.

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