September 14, 2007 12:46 PM

Jessica Dorfman Jones on "The Art of Cheating"

Welcome to Jessica Dorfman Jones, author of "The Art of Cheating - A Nasty Little Book for Tricky Little Schemers and Their Hapless Victims." The book will be published in October and is available for pre-order here:

Mark_Wolf(Q) The story about Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots being punished for videotaping the New York Jets' defensive signals during last week's game put cheating into the headlines. Your book, "The Art of Cheating - A Nasty Little Book for Tricky Little Schemers and Their Hapless Victims" says cheating is as American as apple pie (especially if you buy the crust and claim you made it from scratch). What prompted you to write the book?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Well, it came from two different sources. First, as a member of the publishing community, I am inundated with self-help book proposals and can't avoid seeing books that fall into that genre at every bookstore. To be honest, I think that so many of them are off the mark, I just thought it would be funny to do a send-up of the genre. Secondly, I was in a situation where I was dealing with a bunch of cheaters at work and the only way I could extricate myself was by cheating as well. I realized that cheating really is part of the human condition and that attempting to avoid it is futile. I married the two ideas and out popped The Art of Cheating.

Tom_Brady(Q) Jessica -- My coach, Bill Belichick cheated. He probably did before, too. I'm more interested in the punishment. Shouldn't we have lost more than a draft pick? Addendum from Mark Wolf: Is it cheating to use somebody else's name in a chat room?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Well, the point of my book is to help people be the best cheaters they can be. In my opinion, the real issue is not that he cheated but that he got caught thanks to his ham fisted cheating methods. I think it's fine that he lost the draft pick, I understand that there are some pretty hefty fines involved too, and that's great. I think there should be another punishment that fits the crime of lousy cheating. I'm not sure what that is yet, but it might involve walking across the Meadowlands while Jets fans pelt him with miniature spy cameras or other spy equipment that he could have used to be more effective in his attempts to cheat.

uncommon_sense(Q) What do you do if you are the only one in a group that is otherwise inclined to "push the envelope" in terms of cheating?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Are you saying that you are a sole cheater in a group of law abiders, or the other way around?
uncommon_sense(Q) The only law abiding one.
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Well, unless you want to pull a "Twelve Angry Men" move and try to sway the group with your unbelievable powers of persuasion, you may have to just learn to live with your cheating colleagues. As cheating really is the norm in our society, it's hard to avoid. What you can do, is simply set up some strong boundaries and make it clear to anyone who needs to know it that you are a straight arrow kind of person. This may, however, be a bit alienating. Prepare to spend a lot of time at the water cooler by yourself.
uncommon_sense(C) Been there and done that. Tough to be the last voice of reason when the rest of the group is hellbent on cheating.

Mark_Wolf(Q) Your book leads off with the Big Cheat: faking the orgasm. Please reassure all of us insecure guys that orgasm faking is just a big myth.
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Sorry! Can't do it. Sadly, the truth that insecure guys have to deal with is that women do fake it. Period. No bones about it. But that doesn't mean that they're not having a good time. Sometimes a girl just needs to go to sleep. Conversely, and this should help fragile male egos, women have to deal with orgasm fakers too. Readers may be surprised to know that Harry could have done the big faking scene in the restaurant just as well as Sally. It's not uncommon.
Tom_Brady(C) Yes, I have to agree there. I have faked before, too, and when the girl found out, she freaked -- as in, "how could this possibly happen to me?!"

Mark_Wolf(Q) We're shocked, shocked that some people call in sick to work when they aren't actually ill. What are some tricks to pulling it off without getting caught?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) I can tell you what not to do. Don't claim a stomach illness as it's such a standard at this point that it's a red flag for cheating. If you're not a good actor/actress, calling in with the Voice Of Death is a lame move as well particularly if you have to go in the next day. You'll either have to keep up the ruse or claim miraculous recovery. It's better to keep excuses short and sweet and do it via email if you can.

Welcome to Jessica Dorfman Jones, author of "The Art of Cheating - A Nasty Little Book for Tricky Little Schemers and Their Hapless Victims." The book will be published in October and is available for pre-order here:

Tom_Brady(Q) I was just bored -- I guess. Which makes me think that boredom sometimes leads to cheating, no?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Sure, why not? Cheating can be a very creative endeavor if you really want to go the distance. Getting creative is the ultimate cure for boredom. You know you've reached to advanced stage of cheating when you are no longer responding to your environment by cheating, but instead looking for ways to exercise your cheating skills.

uncommon_sense(Q) It just seems that if we spent half as much time on doing the right thing instead of devising these Wile E coyote plans to get the upper hand, we'd come out better off.
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Sure. And there's great comfort in knowing that you're leading a moral and exemplary life. In the book, there's a section for every cheat that tells those who want to take the moral high ground how to avoid getting taken by cheaters in their lives. With that said, considering that getting one over on the other guy is really the norm, it's always good to know how to play the game.

Mark_Wolf(Q) Is it possible to cheat your way through a drug test?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Yes. But it isn't easy. There are several cheats in the book that rely more on the ingenuity and will of the cheater than sheer methodology, and this is one of them. With that said, if you're a drug user consider obtaining the urine of a clean living individual.

Tom_Brady(Q) How lightly should cheating be taken? Didn't Bush and Powell and Rusmfeld "cheat" a little on the message about WMDs? Look what happened there...
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Interesting question. There is a line to be drawn between cheating and downright destructive insanity. I'm not sure how to draw that line but it's akin to the famous comment on defining pornography. I can't remember which judge said this but it was along the lines of "I'll know it when I see it." By that definition, they weren't cheating. And certainly not "cheating a little".
Tom_Brady(C) it was potter stewart

uncommon_sense(Q) What do you think of the concept "you can't con an honest man"? The high road isn't necessarily the right choice for moral reasons, but because once you start trying to game the system, you open yourself up to those doing the same.
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Again, an interesting question. I do, however, work from the viewpoint that the world comes at you on its own terms no matter what you do. It's what you decide to do with what's presented to you that matters. With that said, and as the book states, it's up to you to cheat or not. As with all things in life, if you're going to do something do it well...so cheat well. If you're not a cheater, learn how to detect cheaters well and then do something about it.
.
Mark_Wolf(Q) You devote a chapter to "Getting Away With Office Theft." Don't most people consider office supplies to be an unnegotiated perk of the job?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Yes! They do! I have to admit that I loved writing that part of the book. As I did the research, I found that the gulf between how employees and employers viewed office conduct was enormous and therefore hilarious. Employees are like magpies; they'll walk out of the office with anything bright and shiny if you let them. I learned this when I was working for a failing dot com and watched people saunter out of the office with laptops, supplies, and even furniture without batting an eyelash. Meanwhile, management was having heart failure and screaming, but to no avail.

Tom_Brady(Q) what about guilt? is guilt bad for a perpetual cheater?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Definitely. Guilt is the ultimate buzz kill, and part of cheating (and getting away with it) is the thrill. What I found, however, is that the perpetual cheater is rather immune to guilt. Perhaps it's some evolutionary trait buried deep in the true cheater's DNA. Nonetheless, a perpetual cheater tends to successfully avoid guilt by having a ready excuse and ability to rationalize anything he or she does. Without that compartmentalizing skill/tendency, he or she wouldn't be able to get beyond their first cheat without major nausea.

uncommon_sense(Q) So is "cheating well" nothing more than getting away with it undetected, regardless of the consequences?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Again, you bring up an interesting point. You say that the successful cheater is getting away with it "undetected" but then imply that there are consequences to come. Some cheaters only look at detection and the results of detection as punishment. Others look at their moral corruption as the consequences. I'm not making serious judgments in the book, but it is a humorous look at one of the seamier sides of the human condition.

Mark_Wolf(Q) You cite Colorado's own Ward Churchill in your chapter on plagirism. Seems like a lot more plagirists are being caught these days. Has the Internet made it easier to catch fabricators and literary lifters?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Sure. Research is only a click away, instead of the hours and sometimes days of library research in the past. Add to that the recent furor over James Frey, JT LeRoy and Augusten Burroughs and you've got a bit of a literary witch hunt going on at the moment. People have their antennae up on the subject and are looking for plagiarists to bust. Basically, one of the elements of getting away with cheating is knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. If you're a plagiaries, now is the time to fold 'em and walk away from the table. Save it for another day.
uncommon_sense(C) Tough to fake a video these days too
uncommon_sense(C) The russian video claiming to show them planting a flag under the north pole was revealed as a hoax by a scandinavian teenager who saw the same video somewhere on you tube.
Tom_Brady(C) I will say in Augusten Burroughs' defense that he is accused of defamation, not plagiarism. That's why he and Frey (although their subject matter is the same) differ.

Tom_Brady(Q) i would suspect that SOME people might react better to a cheater if the cheater -- if caught red-handed -- exhaults (as in, "of course i cheated!!!") rather than being sheepish about it. why do certain people react differently to cheaters?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) After getting initial reader responses to The Art of Cheating, I realized that we tend to fall into two categories: those who can laugh at human frailty and those who take it to heart. If you're in the camp that can get a laugh out of how bizarre we all behave, you'll most likely respond well to the person who owns their own messed up humanity. If, instead, you are (perhaps rightly) railing at our collective inability to take the moral high ground, chances are you'll always gnash your teeth at the cheater...no matter how he or she presents themselves.

Mark_Wolf(Q) How do you beat a lie detector test?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Two words: remain calm. Lie detector tests can't ever actual tell if you've lied....they don't know you and what you did last summer! All they can detect is if you are having a nervous breakdown because you've been asked a challenging question. If you stay calm and regulate your physiological responses (read all about how to do that in the book....the techniques can be truly bizarre) you can beat the test. The best way to stay calm is if you genuinely believe your own lie. As we all know, there's no shortage of people out there who concoct and believe their own tall tales every day.
Tom_Brady(C) As one of the Best Liars Ever -- George Costanza -- said: "It's not a lie if you believe it!"

Mark_Wolf(Q) How widespread is academic cheating and what's the best way to hide a crib sheet?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Academic cheating is huge....but don't think that this is a social ailment of the moment. As long as kids have had to perform in school there's been academic chicanery afoot. There are so many ways to cheat because kids have fertile minds and are willing to take a shot at anything as they haven't been too beaten down by life yet. The best way to hide a crib sheet is up for grabs, as so much depends on the testing environment. When I was in school (all girls school) we work kilts and would write answers on our legs just above the skirt's hemline. We knew no teacher would yank our skirt up just to check if we'd been cheating. Too risky!
Tom_Brady(C) I found that you can put answers on audio tape or cd and then run a earphone bud through the sleeve of a longsleeve shirt and then cup your hand around your ear while leaning on your elbow.

uncommon_sense(Q) What about cheaters who dare the media to catch them- like Gary Hart?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Oh, I just love cheaters like that. They're total thrill seekers, and thrill seekers will keep upping the ante until their behavior gets so outrageous that catching them becomes a piece of cake. These people deserve to get caught because they're really asking the media (or their spouses, or whoever) to catch them. They've put the challenge out there, and shame on anyone who doesn't take them up on it! No sympathy for these cheaters because in the end, they're really getting what they asked for.

Mark_Wolf(P) Jessica Dorfman Jones's book of "The Art of Cheating - A Nasty Little Book for Tricky Little Schemers and Their Hapless Victims" will be published in October and is available for pre-order here: http://www.simonsays.com/content/book.cfm?tab=1&pid=537502

Mark_Wolf(Q) Best cheating movie of all time? The Grifters? Unfaithful? Fatal Attraction?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Wow! Hard to say. I love the Grifters, which is one of the best for con-artist type cheating. The fun thing about cheating is that there are so many ways to do it, so the list of applicable movies is endless. The one that pops to mind, however, may be a surprise. It's The Usual Suspects. The last scene of the film shows how Verbal really pulled off the ultimate cheat of all by concealing his identity and being brilliant enough to pull his bogus story together on the fly. That character is the uber-cheater.
Mark_Wolf(P) Point to you on that one. The last 15 minutes of Usual Suspects is brilliant.

uncommon_sense(Q) Do you believe in any form of Cheater's Karma? And does the volume of cheating or the risk involved come into play over the long run?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) I'm not totally solid with regular Karma to begin with, but if I did buy into it wholesale I'd have to believe in Cheater's Karma. If the premise is that everything will boomerang back to you in one way or another, it's safe to say that what cheaters put out into the world will return to them. But would the cheater resent this turn of events? Would the true cheater feel that they were unjustly punished by the fates? Probably not. The true cheater expects to have weirdness (and potentially bad weirdness) come his or her way. And he or she is probably cooking up a way to spin it way ahead of time.

Mark_Wolf(Q) What do you think is the percentage of fraud in online dating profiles?
Jessica_Dorfman_Jones(A) Umm.....110%? Anyone who's ever gone on a date from an online dating service knows that embellishment is the name of the game. Which is why online dating should be reserved for novelists looking for "truth is stranger than fiction" kind of material, masochists, and anyone looking for a good laugh. In my research I could not find a single person who felt that the person who showed up for the date fit the profile.