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Keeping family, culture alive

Friday, October 5 at 12:00 AM

By Daryle Conquering Bear, Denver

Today, there are more than 8,100 children in foster care in Colorado. They will remain in the foster-care system for an average of almost two years, and 40 percent will move more than three times. Too many will be separated from their brothers and sisters, be moved far away from friends and family, and will never know when — or if — they will come home again.

I know how they feel. I entered foster care in Colorado at age 13 and “aged out” five years later.
I loved my five brothers and sisters. I was the oldest, so I looked out for my siblings and tried to be a good role model. My youngest sister was my best friend.

As a member of the Lakota Sioux tribe, I also loved my culture. I looked forward to the day when I could participate in powwows and sweat lodges — rites of passage that would mean that I was becoming an adult.

Foster care took both my family and my culture away.

When I entered foster care, I was separated from my brothers and sisters. At first, we saw one another every week, and tried to stay as close as we could. But then my brothers and sisters were moved to another town and I didn’t see them for more than a year.

One brother ran away from his group home and was sent far away. I moved four times while I was in foster care — living in two group homes and two foster homes. Moving from place to place and getting used to different schools and rules made it hard to stay connected to my culture and my family. I missed so many important moments – my sister’s birthday, my brother’s high school graduation, Christmas and other holidays.

Culturally, I wasn’t able to participate in the events that I had so looked forward to. As a result, I often feel like an outsider in my own tribe.

During my time in foster care I read books about ceremonies and events that I should have been experiencing firsthand. Today, at events like powwows, I feel like a spectator, not a participant.
American Indian families are very close. As the oldest brother, my role would have been to pass along knowledge to my younger brothers and sisters. After the age of 13, I never got to be either the older brother or the tribal member I wanted to be.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Changes can be made to the foster-care system that would allow young people to stay connected to two things that define them — their family and their culture.
Congress is considering two pieces of legislation to help on both fronts. The bipartisan Kinship Caregiver Support Act, introduced in both the House and the Senate, would allow children to leave foster care and live permanently with grandparents and other relatives. It provides supports and services to relatives so they can meet the needs of the children in their care. If this type of help had been available, my grandmother might have been able to care for me and my brothers and sisters. We could have remained together as a family.

Also, Congress is considering the Tribal Foster Care and Adoption Access Act. This would allow Indian tribes direct access to federal funds to help children and families in their communities. If this had been enacted when we were entering foster care, maybe we could have had been placed with an American Indian foster family who would have helped us to remain close to our culture. Or maybe my family could have received the support we needed to be able to stay together.

My experiences in foster care have taught me how important culture and family are. We need to make certain that no other child has to endure the unnecessary losses I did.

Daryle Conquering Bear is a student at Northeastern Junior College in Sterling and is a member of the state Task Force on Foster Care and Permanence. He is a resident of Denver.

READER COMMENTS

Daryle,
If I was a foster parent I would of loved to
keep you close to your culture. Our family
go to pow-wows evey year (we're not Native-Americans) we go to June-teenth and we're not black, we love different cultures.
Maybe I'll look into foster care, your letter has inspired me. Who do we call in Congress.?

Posted by jj on October 13, 2007 01:03 PM

Your story is very sad and I am truly sorry that you missed out on the childhood you wanted.

That said, there is no reason now, without more federal funding, that families of all cultures, including American Indian cannot apply and go through the process to become foster parents. There is no reason for families to abandon their children.

I thought that the american indian cultures view all children of a tribe as the responsiblity of the tribe. Why then didn't your tribe step up and help you and your siblings out?

When you support additional federal funds, every person you look at then becomes the provider for your family. That is not right. Why does a family need to be paid to take in their juvenile relatives?

I am truly sorry for your sad start in life. But please do not take any more from my pocketbook because you got stuck with bad parents and relatives.

Posted by Constance on October 11, 2007 12:37 PM

Coulda, shoulda, woulda, Jim.

Posted by jj on October 10, 2007 12:24 AM

Until people who want even more of MY tax dollars for their "care" begin to ask "why are so many in foster care", and insist, no DEMAND that the "why" is answered and corrected, I have no interest in funding yet more Federal 'help',
Yeah, I know, it's not the kid's fault. And I agree. But it ain't MY fault either. Although I am expected to pay and pay and pay for other people's mistakes, aren't I? And if I ask "why", then I am treated like some kind of cold hearted, mean spirited and (for this letter) racist. The problems that the author describes are real, honestly expressed and more then a bit of a disgrace for this Nation. Refusing to ask "why" it happens in the first place, and looking to correct the "why", is also a disgrace.
If people can't afford children, or are so dysfunctional themselves then perhaps a BIG part of the "why" is pretty evident?

Posted by Jim in Erie on October 6, 2007 10:01 AM